Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Writerly Wednesday ~ I have written a fiction novel!!!! (ahem...10 query no-no's)

Happy Writerly Wednesday, all!!! 

I stumbled upon some query NO-NO's as I was trolling through the vast WD if-you-read-this-you-might-like-this links today.  I'm sure these are probably no-brainers, but...just in case... :)


10 things you NEVER want to do in a query (from WD - thank you Ann Rittenberg!):

The ultimate #1:  (hint: it's in the title)   A novel, of course, is fictional by definition

#2:  If you're having trouble reading this...so is the potential agent.

#3: Deer Agent,   (typo = no no)

#4:  --> query continues on page 2.

#5: Sorry, no nuggets of wisdom to start.  Such as "Every step in life we take moves us in a direction."  Wow, really?

#6: "Thanks for your time.  I look forward to hearing from you.  But, only if you contact me between Sept. 5 and Dec. 1 at the following number.  Otherwise, you can e-mail me at this address until 5pm on Wednesdays.  Or call at this # between the hours of 9am and 9:05am on the third Friday of every month.  Thank you."

#7: No generic photocopied letter, please!

#8:  "I worked very hard on this novel."  (Ummm...K.  But, does hard work = great writing?  Maybe...)

#9:  "I know you're busy.  I don't want to take up too much of your valuable time."  (Uh - too late!)

#10:  "My novel will appeal to women in general and since we make up the majority of the population in the world - I will sell a bazillion books!!!"  (do I even need to explain this one?  Seriously.)


Anything you want to add to this list?  :)  Happy Query Writing out there today!!

17 comments:

Jess said...

These made me laugh, which I suppose means that I've learned a thing or two over the last year of blogging :) Thanks for the reminders!

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

How many zeros are in a bazillion?

Carole Anne Carr said...

Have had a related experience, someone who offered themselves as a PR and couldn't spell plus many accompanying horrors... your comments reminded me strongly of this :0)

Carol Riggs said...

Heehee, these are great! Definitely the basic boo-boos. Thanks for the humorous list. :)

Donna K. Weaver said...

This so great. You made me laugh, Donea. And considering the rather serious discussion on my blog today, I needed it. Thanks!

Bish Denham said...

Haha! How about, "I've included a chocolate bar along with a lavender sachet because I read somewhere you like chocolate and lavender."

Susan Kane said...

Grate lisst. So meny posibiltys when makeing mistaiks.

L. Diane Wolfe said...

Those are so funny! I know the typo one happens all the time.

DEZMOND said...

those were some true pearls of wisdom :)

Len Lambert said...

Haha! Love it! I agree with selling a bazillion books - haha! - if it appeals to 'women in general'....well the writer has got a point! Ha!

Devin Bond said...

Haha. Darn! Guess I'll have to re-write that query email... (Not.) Will be keeping these little gems in mind when the time actually comes. :P

Kara Hartz said...

I find the idea of querying so scary. Maybe I'll just keep revising my novel indefinitely.

Susanne Drazic said...

Thanks for the no-no list.

Michael Di Gesu said...

To funny. I needed a good laugh today...

Thanks for the reminders.

Donna said...

I love #5. That is hilarious. Thanks for the smile today.

Donea Lee said...

Ah, thanks everyone! It's always good to hear I'm kinda funny on occasion ~ :)

I already answered Alex's question - but if anyone else is curious?? Bazillion isn't actually a # - zero zeroes there. It's just a great figurative term for a highly exaggerated, infinite #. Now, gazillion on the other hand is a whole other number entirely!

Bish - bribes are always good (or not good...) :)

Susan - lol! Nyce.

Kara - I say, go for it!!

alexia said...

LOL! You put such a funny twist on query tips!