I stumbled upon some query NO-NO's as I was trolling through the vast WD if-you-read-this-you-might-like-this links today. I'm sure these are probably no-brainers, but...just in case... :)
10 things you NEVER want to do in a query (from WD - thank you Ann Rittenberg!):
The ultimate #1: (hint: it's in the title) A novel, of course, is fictional by definition
#2: If you're having trouble reading this...so is the potential agent.
#3: Deer Agent, (typo = no no)
#4: --> query continues on page 2.
#5: Sorry, no nuggets of wisdom to start. Such as "Every step in life we take moves us in a direction." Wow, really?
#6: "Thanks for your time. I look forward to hearing from you. But, only if you contact me between Sept. 5 and Dec. 1 at the following number. Otherwise, you can e-mail me at this address until 5pm on Wednesdays. Or call at this # between the hours of 9am and 9:05am on the third Friday of every month. Thank you."
#7: No generic photocopied letter, please!
#8: "I worked very hard on this novel." (Ummm...K. But, does hard work = great writing? Maybe...)
#9: "I know you're busy. I don't want to take up too much of your valuable time." (Uh - too late!)
#10: "My novel will appeal to women in general and since we make up the majority of the population in the world - I will sell a bazillion books!!!" (do I even need to explain this one? Seriously.)
Anything you want to add to this list? :) Happy Query Writing out there today!!
17 comments:
These made me laugh, which I suppose means that I've learned a thing or two over the last year of blogging :) Thanks for the reminders!
How many zeros are in a bazillion?
Have had a related experience, someone who offered themselves as a PR and couldn't spell plus many accompanying horrors... your comments reminded me strongly of this :0)
Heehee, these are great! Definitely the basic boo-boos. Thanks for the humorous list. :)
This so great. You made me laugh, Donea. And considering the rather serious discussion on my blog today, I needed it. Thanks!
Haha! How about, "I've included a chocolate bar along with a lavender sachet because I read somewhere you like chocolate and lavender."
Grate lisst. So meny posibiltys when makeing mistaiks.
Those are so funny! I know the typo one happens all the time.
those were some true pearls of wisdom :)
Haha! Love it! I agree with selling a bazillion books - haha! - if it appeals to 'women in general'....well the writer has got a point! Ha!
Haha. Darn! Guess I'll have to re-write that query email... (Not.) Will be keeping these little gems in mind when the time actually comes. :P
I find the idea of querying so scary. Maybe I'll just keep revising my novel indefinitely.
Thanks for the no-no list.
To funny. I needed a good laugh today...
Thanks for the reminders.
I love #5. That is hilarious. Thanks for the smile today.
Ah, thanks everyone! It's always good to hear I'm kinda funny on occasion ~ :)
I already answered Alex's question - but if anyone else is curious?? Bazillion isn't actually a # - zero zeroes there. It's just a great figurative term for a highly exaggerated, infinite #. Now, gazillion on the other hand is a whole other number entirely!
Bish - bribes are always good (or not good...) :)
Susan - lol! Nyce.
Kara - I say, go for it!!
LOL! You put such a funny twist on query tips!
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